The Substitute

For years when I was drinking and overeating, my biggest fear about quitting was “What will I do with the time? What will I have left to make me happy?” I always came up short, unable to come up with something. I was so scared my life would be empty and boring without my addictions.

Would I go insane without my comforts?

When I quit drinking, food became my substitute. Instead of alcohol, I just doubled up on food. And there was some comfort in knowing that I had a back up vice to turn to. At least I had one comfort left.

But the food was killing me.

Ironic how the substance that is supposed to give us life was actually taking mine. And all because I was scared I wouldn’t be able to find happiness without it. I had to let my overeating go but how could I possibly find any joy in life without it? With food being my final vice, what would I substitute this addiction with?

Then came OA. And I discovered a permanent substitute for all my addictions. One that really worked and brought joy into my life. Real joy. Joy that would last longer than a drinking binge or a 2 hour meal. One that didn’t include hangovers, guilt or shame. It was the answer I had been seeking for all these years.

The substitute was the fellowship of brothers and sisters I found in OA.

I finally found my people in the rooms of OA. We are the same in so many ways. Finally I am not alone. We are all in this together. I am surrounded by an army of people who get it. And I can’t overstate how much comfort I find it that. For years, I tried to overcome my addictions alone. It felt overwhelming and impossible.

But there is strength in numbers. I have meetings I can go to so I can stay connected to people who care. I have people to call when I am having a hard time. I get to serve my fellows by picking up the phone and encouraging them when they need it. There is also a lot of hope in hearing another’s story of struggle. And also hearing the stories of those who have overcome their addictions.

If they can do it, so can I.

I am choosing community and connection over isolation and addiction. There is so much more joy on this side. The fellowship brings true joy and peace that I never was able to find in alcohol or food.

I finally found the substitute I have been searching for my whole life. This is what true happiness feels like.

If you can relate to this, I would highly encourage you to check out AA or OA, depending on your drug of choice. The fellowship is waiting with open arms. You don’t have to do this alone anymore.

Lost? Not sure where to go next?

How To Find True Freedom

All we want is to be free.  Free to choose.  Free to live our lives.  Free to pursue happiness.  But are we truly free?  There are so many things that we allow to trap us and keep us imprisoned.  Sometimes it's our job. Sometimes it's an unhealthy relationship.  And sometimes it's drugs, alcohol or even food.  Our lives can get so crazy and so filled with stress.  And it's only natural for us to seek out ways to relieve our stress.  And sadly, many times we choose those things that end up enslaving us.  The comfort that we get from these things makes us think we are doing something to make our lives better.  But these comforts are only temporary and usually leave us feeling worse than we did before.

True freedom comes from letting go of the things we think are making us happy, but are actually making us miserable.  We think that it is more freeing to be able to eat whatever we want and not have a bunch of restrictions on our diet.  But the truth is, you become trapped by the bad food and the bad habits.  You become a slave to your addiction.  Every day you have to do a whole checklist of things to keep up the addiction.  It's a lot of work!  Making sure you have ice cream and pizza in the freezer.  Or the right alcohol.  Or cigarettes.  You spend half of your day running errands to make sure you have your comforts.  And even though you know you will feel gross afterward, you still sit down and eat that entire pizza in one sitting because you are controlled by your addiction.  You may not even want it anymore.  It may not even sound good, but it's your only source of happiness so you decide to do it anyway.  That does not sound like freedom to me.

True freedom is learning to let go of our addictions.  To just let God or the universe take them away from us so we can start focusing on the things that will make us truly happy.  Better health.  More friends.  More love.  Getting a dog.  Going outside more.  Watching sunrises and sunsets.  These are the things that make us feel truly free.  No longer trapped by an addiction that keeps us at home in front of the TV, we now have the freedom to explore the world.  We have the energy to go outside.  To travel.  To spend time with people.  That is the life we truly want.  That is freedom!

So true freedom comes from beating these bad habits.  Eliminating them and bringing more true joy givers into our lives.  For me, it’s time with family, hanging with friends, getting a dog, going to church, spending more time outside and creating original music.  See more sunrises and sunsets.  Go to more movies.  Go to more concerts and Broadway shows.  Get involved in community events.  Give.  Love.  Achieve goals.  That’s where we find true joy and true freedom.  Free from the shackles of our addictions and bad habits.  We can truly let them go and not be trapped.  Not be blocked from feeling true joy.  

True freedom.  It's out there.  It's right in front of you and all you have to do is grab it.  But it comes at a price and that price is the hard work it takes to break these addictions.  Bad habits have a way of becoming engrained in our lives and getting rid of them is serious work.  It takes true dedication and commitment.  But if you can focus on loving yourself and taking care of yourself, then you will start to feel that you deserve better habits.  Once you feel you deserve them, then you will have the strength to truly change.  It's not easy but it's worth it.

Aren't you tired of feeling trapped?  Aren't you tired of not experiencing the joy of being free?  You deserve it and you can have it but you have to go get it.  No one is coming to save you.  No one is coming to take these addictions away from you.  It's time for you to look in the mirror and truly face these bad habits.  Be honest with yourself.  What is holding you back?  Name it.  Say it out loud.  Write it down.  And then make a plan to destroy it.  Because I promise, once you do, true freedom awaits!

Happiness Is For The Birds

It happens every morning.  Well before my alarm clock goes off.  Just as the sun is starting to come up, the birds outside my bedroom window lose their minds.  They start chirping and rustling around, so excited about a new day.  And while I am trying to get a few more hours of sleep, all I can hear is these happy little birds outside my window.  My initial reaction is anger.  I need my beauty sleep!  Don't the birds understand this?  But why does this annoy me so much?  Why can’t I join in on their joy fest?

It’s instinct for a bird to be happy in the morning.  They don’t have the human-made stresses that block their happiness.   They don't have to worry about whose turn it is to drive the carpool today.  They don't have to dread going to a dead end job that they hate.  They don't have to spend the day worrying about if they are overeating or not exercising enough.  When the sun comes up, they couldn’t be more excited to be alive.  Not a worry in the world.  All they care about is how great it is that the sun is coming up.  It's a new day.  New opportunities.  New worms to eat.  How exciting! 

As I started thinking more about it, I thought it was interesting that my first reaction was anger.  How could I be angry at something for being happy?  True, it was interrupting my oh-so-precious beauty sleep, but that was not their intention.  It's not like the birds are out there planning how to make my life miserable.  They just have such a strong sense of joy that they can't contain themselves.  They just have to let the world know how awesome it is to have this new day so they sing.  They shout.  They play.  They live! 

And this may sound a little corny, but I really want to be more like those birds.  I want to be excited to be alive every morning.  I want to see all the opportunities that await me when the sun starts coming up.  And I want to sing it out loud for everyone to hear, even those people that don't want to hear it.  Because it's been my experience that the people that don't want to hear it are the people that need to hear it the most.

I need to hear those birds every morning.  I need them there to remind me that today is going to awesome.  I'm alive and that's a gift.  I don't need to sleep the day away.  I need to get up and start singing.  Start shouting.  Start playing.  Start living!  And I need to tell the world that new opportunities and new worms await!

Lost?  Not sure where to go next?

How To Find True Joy

Name your vice.  We all have at least one.  And while some are cute and innocent, others create a huge burden and destroy lives.  And most vices keep us from experiencing true joy.  They steal it away and leave us feeling empty and drained.  There is only one way to find our way back to feeling true joy.

You get to a certain point in life where you have to weigh what's really important.  You need to take good care of yourself but at the same time not torture yourself.  You need to have little things you can look forward to throughout your day.  Some of these can be good for us like going for a walk, talking to a friend, reading a good book, etc.  But sometimes our little things can be unhealthy choices like smoking cigarettes, drinking to excess, or overeating.  All of which I have personally struggled with.  The "joy" that we get from these unhealthy vices is not real joy.  It's temporary comfort and it will only get us so far and then leave us with nothing.

When we spend all your time and energy focusing on these temporary comforts, they become our only source of happiness.  We've all experienced those days where all we want to do is have a cigarette or a drink or a Big Mac and it will make everything better.  We become so obsessed with obtaining our little comfort that we start to ignore all the things that could actually give us true joy.  What's worse, is these little vices usually steal away our energy to pursue the things that would bring us true joy.  For example, the things in my life that bring me true joy are achieving goals, getting in shape, spending time with family and friends and creating music.  When I sit at home and eat pizza and ice cream all day, this temporary comfort steals away my energy and motivation to do anything else.  I feel bloated, lethargic and gross.  Now, instead of pursuing those things that would bring me real joy, I only have the energy to watch Netflix and go to bed.

The real joy comes when we conquer our addictions and achieve our goals.  It comes from changing our bad behaviors and embracing new ones that will guide us to victory.  Losing 20 pounds, that's true joy.  Spending time with people who love you, that's true joy.  Pursuing your dream job, that's true joy.  I know when I start to feel miserable it's because I am spending all my energy on temporary comforts and I don't have enough things in my life that are feeding me real joy.

I know change is hard.  And breaking bad habits takes time.  But while you are working on that, make sure you have lots of "joy givers" in your life every day.  Go outside.  Go for a walk  See more sunsets and sunrises.  Go to more movies.  Go to more concerts and Broadway shows.  Get involved in community events.  Get a dog.  And give money to everyone who asks.  Give more.  Love more.  And go achieve your goals.  That’s where we find true joy.  And eventually, you will be so busy with these true joy giving activities, that you will eventually not have any time or energy left for the ones that steal it away.  And I don't know about you, but that would make me pretty darn happy!