My Problem Is Fear, Not You!

Resentment is a powerful thing. It keeps us in a state of frustration and keeps us cut off from our higher power and other people. It steals our joy and ruins our life. Yet we love to hold on to it. We love to be mad at people. And we love to tell anyone who will listen the horrible thing someone did to us.

Why do we get so much satisfaction from this when in reality holding onto these resentments is killing us? I think it’s mainly because we don’t realize we can let these resentments go. Even more so, we don’t realize that we have played a role in causing these resentments.

“What do you mean ‘my role?’ That guy is just a jerk!”

You heard me right. We play a major role in causing our resentments toward other people. Figuring out my role in my resentful relationships was a big challenge at first. It was really hard to humble myself, let go of the anger and look at the situation truthfully. But through study, prayer and conversation, I started to understand. I started to see how I was playing a big part in these resentments.

I started to learn that most of my resentment was based in fear. Fear seemed to rule my life and it was destroying it as well. I never realized how much fear I had until doing this exercise. What an amazing insight.

My biggest fear seemed to be acceptance. I was scared no one would love me or accept me. I knew I’ve had issues with this my whole life (I mean, I even founded a band called “Outsiders” in college) but I didn’t know how big of a role it was still playing in my life and my relationships today. I didn’t realize it was keeping me angry, sick and addicted.

Fear was killing me.

Once I saw this, I knew I had to deal with these fears. Call them out. Write them down. And ask God to remove them from my life. I don’t want to live a life of anger and frustration. I want to be free and bask in the joy that is the gift of life.

If I face my fears and ask God to remove them, I can be truly free. And when I’m free, suddenly I don’t mind taking a little better care of myself. I can change. I can heal. And the hope and peace that comes from that is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.

What are your biggest fears? Leave me a comment and let me know how you deal with them.

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I Need To Believe

"God either is or isn't.  We have a choice to make." 

That's from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.  And it really is that simple.  We can choose to not believe in God.  To live in a man-ruled world full of selfishness.  We can choose to believe that there is no plan for our lives.  Everything happens by chance.  We have no real purpose and we don't matter at all.  And when we die, we go into a hole in the ground and it's lights out.  That's it.

This is what many people choose to believe.  And that's totally fine.  We all have the right to choose.  But I can't live like that.  I can't live in a world of selfishness with no purpose, just waiting to be stamped out and forgotten.  I need to believe.  I need God.

I need to know that I matter and I have a purpose.  I need strength from God and grace from God.  I need the peace that comes from knowing God has a plan.  I know I matter because of God and I'm not alone because of God.  And I know when I die, there will be a place for me with God.

So I choose to believe.  Not only because I need these things but also because I see Him working in my life everyday.  To have it the other way only leads to a depressing life of misery and loneliness.  I tried that life for a while.  It did not work out so good.  I almost died from trying to find other things to fill the emptiness I felt.  Alcohol didn't work.  Food didn't work.  Tobacco didn't work. 

The only thing that has worked is God. 

I know now that God created me for amazing things.  He wants me to be healthy and successful.  And He is there always to give me strength.  When I see Him doing little things in my life, it reminds that I matter.  The same is true for you.

This is not a sermon.  This is just me sharing what is working for me.  I know how it feels to be depressed, miserable and alone.  And I just want you to know there is a way out of that life.  Don't be afraid to look up.  It could change your life forever.

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How To Find True Freedom

All we want is to be free.  Free to choose.  Free to live our lives.  Free to pursue happiness.  But are we truly free?  There are so many things that we allow to trap us and keep us imprisoned.  Sometimes it's our job. Sometimes it's an unhealthy relationship.  And sometimes it's drugs, alcohol or even food.  Our lives can get so crazy and so filled with stress.  And it's only natural for us to seek out ways to relieve our stress.  And sadly, many times we choose those things that end up enslaving us.  The comfort that we get from these things makes us think we are doing something to make our lives better.  But these comforts are only temporary and usually leave us feeling worse than we did before.

True freedom comes from letting go of the things we think are making us happy, but are actually making us miserable.  We think that it is more freeing to be able to eat whatever we want and not have a bunch of restrictions on our diet.  But the truth is, you become trapped by the bad food and the bad habits.  You become a slave to your addiction.  Every day you have to do a whole checklist of things to keep up the addiction.  It's a lot of work!  Making sure you have ice cream and pizza in the freezer.  Or the right alcohol.  Or cigarettes.  You spend half of your day running errands to make sure you have your comforts.  And even though you know you will feel gross afterward, you still sit down and eat that entire pizza in one sitting because you are controlled by your addiction.  You may not even want it anymore.  It may not even sound good, but it's your only source of happiness so you decide to do it anyway.  That does not sound like freedom to me.

True freedom is learning to let go of our addictions.  To just let God or the universe take them away from us so we can start focusing on the things that will make us truly happy.  Better health.  More friends.  More love.  Getting a dog.  Going outside more.  Watching sunrises and sunsets.  These are the things that make us feel truly free.  No longer trapped by an addiction that keeps us at home in front of the TV, we now have the freedom to explore the world.  We have the energy to go outside.  To travel.  To spend time with people.  That is the life we truly want.  That is freedom!

So true freedom comes from beating these bad habits.  Eliminating them and bringing more true joy givers into our lives.  For me, it’s time with family, hanging with friends, getting a dog, going to church, spending more time outside and creating original music.  See more sunrises and sunsets.  Go to more movies.  Go to more concerts and Broadway shows.  Get involved in community events.  Give.  Love.  Achieve goals.  That’s where we find true joy and true freedom.  Free from the shackles of our addictions and bad habits.  We can truly let them go and not be trapped.  Not be blocked from feeling true joy.  

True freedom.  It's out there.  It's right in front of you and all you have to do is grab it.  But it comes at a price and that price is the hard work it takes to break these addictions.  Bad habits have a way of becoming engrained in our lives and getting rid of them is serious work.  It takes true dedication and commitment.  But if you can focus on loving yourself and taking care of yourself, then you will start to feel that you deserve better habits.  Once you feel you deserve them, then you will have the strength to truly change.  It's not easy but it's worth it.

Aren't you tired of feeling trapped?  Aren't you tired of not experiencing the joy of being free?  You deserve it and you can have it but you have to go get it.  No one is coming to save you.  No one is coming to take these addictions away from you.  It's time for you to look in the mirror and truly face these bad habits.  Be honest with yourself.  What is holding you back?  Name it.  Say it out loud.  Write it down.  And then make a plan to destroy it.  Because I promise, once you do, true freedom awaits!

Happiness Is For The Birds

It happens every morning.  Well before my alarm clock goes off.  Just as the sun is starting to come up, the birds outside my bedroom window lose their minds.  They start chirping and rustling around, so excited about a new day.  And while I am trying to get a few more hours of sleep, all I can hear is these happy little birds outside my window.  My initial reaction is anger.  I need my beauty sleep!  Don't the birds understand this?  But why does this annoy me so much?  Why can’t I join in on their joy fest?

It’s instinct for a bird to be happy in the morning.  They don’t have the human-made stresses that block their happiness.   They don't have to worry about whose turn it is to drive the carpool today.  They don't have to dread going to a dead end job that they hate.  They don't have to spend the day worrying about if they are overeating or not exercising enough.  When the sun comes up, they couldn’t be more excited to be alive.  Not a worry in the world.  All they care about is how great it is that the sun is coming up.  It's a new day.  New opportunities.  New worms to eat.  How exciting! 

As I started thinking more about it, I thought it was interesting that my first reaction was anger.  How could I be angry at something for being happy?  True, it was interrupting my oh-so-precious beauty sleep, but that was not their intention.  It's not like the birds are out there planning how to make my life miserable.  They just have such a strong sense of joy that they can't contain themselves.  They just have to let the world know how awesome it is to have this new day so they sing.  They shout.  They play.  They live! 

And this may sound a little corny, but I really want to be more like those birds.  I want to be excited to be alive every morning.  I want to see all the opportunities that await me when the sun starts coming up.  And I want to sing it out loud for everyone to hear, even those people that don't want to hear it.  Because it's been my experience that the people that don't want to hear it are the people that need to hear it the most.

I need to hear those birds every morning.  I need them there to remind me that today is going to awesome.  I'm alive and that's a gift.  I don't need to sleep the day away.  I need to get up and start singing.  Start shouting.  Start playing.  Start living!  And I need to tell the world that new opportunities and new worms await!

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Knowing. Feeling. Doing

There is an invisible line.  It's a really big line.  Ok, it's more like a chasm that we must crossover to achieve greatness.  Not just greatness, but peace and joy.  It's a barrier.  A wall that keeps us from feeling the joy and success that we deserve.  I am talking about the great divide between knowing and feeling.

How many times have you found yourself in this situation?  You want to lose a few pounds.  It is no mystery how to do it.  We all know what to do.  Cut back on calories and increase your activity.  Stop drinking soda and start drinking more water.  It is not rocket science.  Ok, so we know what we need to do.  All we need to do now is do it.  That's the easy part, right?  Fast forward a month, and you are still right where you started because you can't get yourself to do the things you know you need to do.  What is that?  What is stopping you from doing what you need to do?

The Great Divide

There is a huge gap between what we know and what we feel.  The knowing is the easy part.  We can learn anything.  Just pick up a book, turn on your computer or ask a friend and you can learn anything you want.  Need to know the best way to take down your Christmas lights?  YouTube has a video for that.  But YouTube can't come over to your house and make you do it.  That is the first problem that creates The Great Divide:  a lack of accountability.  We love telling other people what to do, but we have a harder time listening to ourselves.  And when there is no one else around to keep us accountable, we can do whatever we want.  Or not do whatever we want.  But if we want to achieve greatness, if we want to achieve true joy, then we have to start keeping ourselves accountable.  Just as a friend would check in with you from time to time, you need to check in with yourself.  Is there anything you are letting slip by in your life?  It's time to keep yourself in check.

The second problem that creates The Great Divide is excuses.  We love to come up with reasons that our life is unfair.  We love to come up with facts and statistics that back up our claim that we just can't do something.  "I would really love to lose 30 lbs, but my whole family is overweight.  I just can't do it."  Ever heard yourself say that one before?  The truth is there is almost nothing we can't achieve with time and effort (maybe short of flying on our own or not paying our taxes).  Anything we tell ourselves to the contrary is a lie.  It's an excuse we use to let ourselves off the hook.  "If I believe I can't do something, then it's not my fault and I can stop trying and go back to eating cookies."  The answer to this one is simple:  stop making excuses.

The final problem that creates The Great Divide is a lack of commitment.  We say we want to do things all the time, but we never truly commit ourselves to it.  How many times have you seen a movie and you were inspired to do something great.  "I am going to go skydiving next week!"  But then by the time you leave the movie theater and get to your car, you've totally forgotten about your big goal.  This happens to all of us.  The thing that separates the doers from the wanna-doers, is commitment.  Those who make a promise to themselves and to those around them, tend to actually follow through.  And I'm talking big commitment here.  Set a specific goal and write it down.  Then make a specific plan of action and write it down.  Then do it!  Work your plan and follow through.  Hold tight to your commitment.  Make that commitment mean something.  Make it clear to the world and to yourself that when you say you are going to do something, you do it.  It doesn't matter how many times you failed.  It doesn't matter how many times you started and you gave up.  This time is different.  Because you have a goal, a plan and a commitment to yourself that you will not break. 

This chasm called The Great Divide has taken so many out and has killed so many dreams.  Don't let it do the same to you.  You have the knowledge you need.  Now is the time to cross over that big gap from knowing to feeling.  By keeping yourself accountable, not making any more excuses and making a real commitment to yourself and to the world, you can accomplish anything you put your mind to.  And as you start to accomplish your goals, that is when you will start feeling it.  Once you start seeing success, your emotional side will start to take hold and your journey across The Great Divide will be complete!  Just remember to enjoy the other side once you get there.

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How To Get Out Of A Rut

I have been struggling lately.  I have been feeling frustrated, annoyed and agitated.  I feel like all the joy has been sucked out of my life.  Don't get me wrong, I know that I have an amazing life.  I am truly blessed with so many great relationships as well as opportunities, both personal and business.  I get a lot of satisfaction from the work I do with Soul Motivation Records.  But some of the other things in my life have become such a chore devoid of any real reward.  I feel like I am stuck in a rut.  Stuck in a cycle that I can't get out of.  Things I use to love have become things that I "have" to do instead of things that I "get" to do.  What happened?  What changed?  When did everyday life become so mundane?  I've been thinking a lot about this as well as confiding in a few close friends, and I have widdled the problem down to two things I need more of in my life.

Balance

I am a workaholic and I definitely have an obsessive personality.  When I get focused on something, I spend all of my time on that thing.  And that's not always bad.  That is how I became an accomplished musician.  It took years of obsession, sitting at a piano, listening to a song over and over again, and learning it note by note.  Or hours and hours of listening to great piano players and then figuring out how to play what they played.  This same drive then turned into an obsession with Soul Motivation Records.  I am on a mission to reach the world with a  message of positivity and possibility.  I want my business to thrive as well as to help other people thrive.  It is my new obsession and I love it.  It takes extreme focus to develop any skill, so I'm thankful that I have this quality.

But the bad part about obsession is we tend to focus all of our energy on one thing and let a whole lot of other things lack.  We become unbalanced and not very well-rounded human beings.  By focusing on music and business, I have let some other very important parts of my life get away from me.  Mainly my physical health, my spiritual health, and my social life.  I have not been spending enough time exercising or getting outside.  I have not been going to church or having enough spiritual conversations with people.  I have not been doing anything just for fun.  I can't tell you the last time I even went out and saw a movie.  And I have so many amazing people in my life that I just don't spend enough time with.  This is a big part of the reason I have been so frustrated lately.  My life is out of balance and the only way to fix that is to be sure to pay attention to the things that are lacking and make it a point to improve in these areas.  According to Zig Ziglar's "Wheel Of Life," there are the seven areas of life we all need to be focusing on.  Take a look at these seven areas and ask yourself if you truly putting enough time into all seven.

Career
Financial
Spiritual
Physical
Intellectual
Family
Social

Change

When we start to feel agitated and frustrated, this is often a sign that we need to make a change in our life.  And I'm talking big change.  Leap of faith change.  Sink the ship change.  I think we all get to a point in our lives where things get stagnant and we know we cannot continue on the same path.  And the angst and frustration is God's way, or our mind's way, of telling us it is time to change.  We can fight it as long as we want, but that nagging feeling will never leave until we finally make a change. 

Change is hard.  As much as we need it sometimes, we spend our whole life fighting it.  It is way easier to continue to go to a job that you hate, then it is to go into your boss's office and quit, gather up your things, say goodbye to everyone, go home and explain what you did to your family, start searching for another job, write your resume, go to interviews, etc.  The change part just sounds like so much work so we make excuses to let ourselves off the hook like "Oh my job isn't that bad," or "Nobody would ever hire me anyway."  With the help of our excuses, we just accept our fate and continue down our miserable path.  But what a waste of a life.  If you feel the pull to make a change, you owe it to yourself and the world to see it through!  Yes, change is hard, but amazing things await on the other side.  You truly can be happy.  You can have joy in your life.  You can have a job that makes you feel fulfilled.  Not only CAN you have these things but you DESERVE these things.  So don't run from change, embrace it.  Dream about the life you want to live and then make the changes necessary to make your dreams a reality.

You don't have to just accept that life is unfair and we are meant to be miserable.  This is a lie that you or possibly those around you are telling you.  If you are feeling frustrated or agitated, there is a reason.  And I'd be willing to bet it is one of these two things.  Take a serious look at your life.  Do you have balance in your life?  Is there something you really need to change but have been avoiding?  Now is the time to face these things.  That is exactly what I am doing and I am seeing hope.  There are some big changes on the horizon for me.  It is time to find some balance and to call up the courage to make some big decisions in my life.  It may get a little crazy but I am ready.  And I will keep you posted on all the changes as they come.  I know there is a way out of this frustrating rut I have been in.  And that is truly exciting!  Come join me and let's break out of this rut together.  Amazing things await us both!

#soultimecheckin 1.24.18 - Custom Made Music

Just a quick hello from Soul Motivation Studios as I work on a custom made song for a client.  If you are interested in custom made music for your business or as a gift to someone special, contact me at:  chris@soulmotivationrecords.com or see our "Licensing" page for more info!

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Just Say No!

Did you know that you can say no to things?  Even more, did you know that you don't have to feel guilty about it?  I don't know if you are like me, but I am a people pleaser.  I want everyone to like me.  And in order to make that happen, I feel like I need to say yes to a lot of things.  Yes to lunch dates.  Yes to cover someone at a gig.  Yes to go to some function I don't even want to go to.  I will say yes as long as you promise to like me.  That sounds really pathetic when you say it out loud but I think a lot of us do this.  But guess what?

People will still like you if you say no.

You heard me right!  Most people will not hate you just because you say no to them.  As a matter of fact, they will most likely respect you more for standing up for what you need.  And if anyone decides to hate you because you stood up for yourself, then is that really a person you want in your life anyway?  I would suggest saying good riddance to that person and go hang out with your real friends.  Genuine people who truly care for you will usually understand when you need to say no.  And if they don't, explain to them why you are saying no.  Tell them what you need. 

AND BE HONEST!

This is the most important part.  You have to be honest.  Do not make up an excuse like you have to pick up the dry cleaning or Thursday is "shower day."  Respect your friendship enough to tell them the truth and they will respect you for it.

There is another point to be made here.  Everyone does not need to like you.  You need stop worrying about keeping everyone else happy and start making sure YOU are.  Because a miserable person cannot bring joy into anyone's life.  Real happiness starts with loving and caring for yourself first.  You have to first take care of you so then you have the energy to care for others.

So relax.  You are not going to lose all your friends from a "no" here and there.  People love you because you are awesome and they will remember you are awesome whether you are hanging out with them or you are at home taking your weekly shower.  We all have different levels of commitments we can make and follow through with.  Know your level and stick to it.  Don't be afraid to say "no" so you can say "yes" to the things you need most.

P.S.  A really great book to read about the power of saying no is "Essentialism" by Greg McKeown.  I highly recommend this book for anyone who struggles with overcommitment.  It is a game changer!

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#soultimecheckin 1.17.18 - The Official Soul Motivation Records Playlist

On Tuesday 1.16.18, I did a Facebook Live talking all about streaming music services and how artists can use streaming to their advantage.  The best part about this video is that I announced the Official Soul Motivation Records Playlist on Spotify and Apple Music!  

Click HERE to get free access to the Official Soul Motivation Records Playlist!

If you want to watch a replay of the Facebook Live video, just click HERE!

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You're Rich! (And You Don't Even Know It)

You are rich.  Did you know that?  Like filthy, stinking rich.  If you live indoors, you're rich.  If you have a bed to sleep on at night, you're rich.  If you can afford heat in your home, you're rich.  If you have indoor plumbing, you're rich.  If you ate today, you're rich.  If you have a dollar in your pocket, you're rich.  Your one-bed apartment is a palace!  You live in a mansion!  Did you know that?

There are millions of people in the world who have no home, no bed, no heat, no food, no dollar.  

That makes you one of the elite.  You are wealthy.  Somehow along the way through all of life's struggles, you have forgotten that.  We all do.  We are constantly wanting for what we don't have, yet we have so much already.  More than we could ever use.  If you want to feel rich, learn to be content with what you have.  Your life is amazing and you don't even know it.  You are free.  You are fed.  You are warm.  You are rich. 

You are a king or a queen.  Ruling from on high, waving your expensive bus pass for all to see, dining on only the best foods that Shop 'N Save has to offer.  You are entertained nightly by this exclusive club called Netflix that you watch on your magic movie screen that you have right in your house!  And when you have had enough of all your luxuries, your private room awaits with a fluffy, warm bed only fit for royalty and you get to drift off to thoughts of the amazing life you get to live. 

So take a minute to truly appreciate the amazing life you have.  Look around at all your riches and be thankful.  But remember to rule on high with compassion and love.  Never forget the ones who don't have these things.  Help those who are less fortunate.  Be generous with all that you have.  And you may just start to truly appreciate the extravagant life you get to live!

#soultimecheckin 1.12.18 - Outside Motivation

Sometimes we can try so hard to keep it, but our motivation starts to lack.  We may have a couple days of being pumped up and focus, but then one day we get up and we start questioning everything.  That's when it's time to turn to outside motivation.  Watch a YouTube video, listen to a podcast, or watch a documentary that inspires you.  Don't underestimate the power of these simple acts.  You might find just the right outside motivation will remind you of what is important and get you back on track!

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My Opinion Matters Most

I am constantly bombarded with opinions.  Aren't you?  Everywhere you go, someone is telling you what to do and how to do it.  If you say you are going on a diet, the person next to you is a suddenly a nutrition expert and is quick to tell you all the things you shouldn't eat.  If you say you want to save more money, someone will be quick to tell you that it's impossible to do that in the current economy.  Everyone seems to be an expert with no qualifications.  Everyone is quick to tell you how to live your life, but who is telling them how to live theirs?

I have lots of opinions.  Strong opinions.  But sometimes it's hard to make them known in such a noisy world.  Everyone is talking and nobody is listening.  It's incredibly frustrating.  It seems like only the loudest, most obnoxious people are the ones to get their opinions heard.  But what about the rest of us?

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not afraid to speak up for myself.  I am not afraid to talk in front of people.  I do it every night.  But sometimes I don't have the energy to try to be louder than everyone else.  That is where it gets hard for me.  How do I make my opinion's known when everyone is talking and no one is listening?

Music.  That's how.

I think this was the biggest reason I got into music when I was a kid.  I could write a song and when I was performing it, people had to listen to me.  Finally, people would have to listen to my opinions and I could stop listening to everyone else's for three and a half minutes.  It is an amazing gift to be able to express yourself in an artistic way, whether it's music, painting, writing, speaking or whatever else.  Art is how the quiet people get their opinions heard.  With music, I've been able to express myself and get my ideas out into the world.  And as great as that has been, I need to be able to get it out in other ways as well.  I need to not just let everyone be an "expert" in my life, always telling me what to do.  I need to make my own decisions.  I need to believe in my own opinions.  I need to be quick to make decisions and very slow to change them. 

I am allowed to have my own opinion.  Matter of fact, my opinion matters most!  Just like yours should matter most to you.  If you are letting everyone else speak louder into your own life than you are letting yourself speak, there is a problem.  It is great to have close friends in your life that you trust and that can help you find answers.  I'm not saying to never take advice from anyone.  But we need to make sure the people we are listening to are people who love us and have our best interest in mind.  If they don't, then they are just making noise and their opinions really don't matter at all.

Stand up for yourself.  Be proud of your beliefs.  And hold true to your opinions.  Nobody else is you.  No one else sees the world through your eyes.  So your opinions matter most.  And when the world gets tired of talking, they will be ready to listen.

Never Stop Fighting

I just got done watching the movie "The Beaver?"  Have you seen it?  It is a quirky and interesting movie starring Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster and some others.  The basic premise of the movie is that a highly depressed CEO (Mel Gibson) finds help and motivation from a beaver puppet through which he communicates to the world.  I know, kind of weird.  But it is actually a pretty good movie.  One of the big takeaways from the movie is the idea that what if everything isn't going to be okay?  Meaning, some of us may always struggle with depression or other mental illnesses.  It may just be in our DNA and there is nothing we can do it about that.  The good news is, however, you don't have to struggle alone.  If you have people who love you in your life, you'll be okay as they can help you through the hard times.

Do I 100% agree with this analysis?  I don't know.  Honestly, I often wonder the exact same thing.  Maybe we are predisposed to what our mental health will be for the rest of our lives.  But one thing I do know is that there is still something we can do about it.  We can fight.  Everyday we can get up and decide to fight for ourselves, fight for our mental health, fight for positivity in our lives.  We still have the freedom of choice and we can choose how we want to feel everyday.  Maybe happiness comes easier to some than others, that may be true.  But we all have the opportunity to choose the pursuit of joy, peace and contentment.  That much I do know.

I also totally agree with the movie that we don't have to do it alone.  We are surrounded by loving, caring humans who believe in us.  Even when we don't believe in ourselves.  We need to embrace these relationships with our friends, families, co-workers and even casual acquaintances.  And if we don't have enough of these loving people in our lives, then it is our duty to go out and find them.  They are there you just have to go out and create relationships with them.  I have certainly had times in my life where I felt alone and I felt like loneliness was my destiny.  But then I realized that was a lie I was telling myself.  I deserve to be happy.  I deserve to have loving relationships.  All I have to do is get up, go out, find these people and get them in my life.  And what do you know, it turns out I wasn't alone after all!

The bottom line is even if we struggle with depression, we still can find happiness.  Get up and choose to pursue happiness.  Embrace the love that is all around you.  And most importantly, never stop fighting.  As long as we never give up fighting, we win!

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How To Beat Racism

I cannot remember a time in my life when racial tensions were as high in this country as they are now.  In some ways it's good.  At least we are talking about racism again instead of pretending it doesn't exist anymore.  But it is also frustrating, sad and a heavy burden that most of us feel on a daily basis.  We want this problem to just go away but it's never that simple.  As long as people have free choice, racism will exist in some capacity.  It's hard to know what we as individuals can do to help.  How can one person affect change on a national scale?  It seems overwhelming and impossible, but that's not true.  There are many things that we as individuals can do to beat racism.

The first thing we need to do is stop giving attention to those who seek it.  The KKK, neo-nazi's and white supremacists love to make a lot of noise and we love to respond with louder noise.  We feel like it's our duty to get in their face and show them how wrong they are.  We are angry and we feel like we can't just sit by and do nothing.  But what if we did.  What would happen if at the next white supremacist gathering there was no protest.  No press.  No attention.  What if nobody showed up to yell at them?  Imagine them having their assembly in peace.  What affect would they have on the world then?  Not much because no one would care.  We give them the attention they want by protesting and yelling.  We rev them up with our shouting and the next thing you know someone is driving their car into the crowd.  And for what?  What was accomplished by all of it?  The white supremacists get the attention they want and we lose another innocent person in the process.

I know this is an unpopular opinion.  How can you just sit by and do nothing?  Don't you care?  Aren't you worried they will take over the world if we don't resist?  First of all, I do care.  Quite a bit.  But I am not worried about them taking over the world.  I trust mankind.  I trust our human nature.  I trust that love always wins.  I trust my neighbors, my friends and my family.  I know that the many who love far outweigh the few who hate.  There is no possible way they can take us over.  All they can do is yell and scream and beg for attention.  And I refuse to give it to them.  See, they don't matter to me.  At all.  Their message is filled with stupidity and I have no time for stupid things.  I only have time to focus on things that matter.  I only have time to focus on those around me.  Love my neighbors.  Spend time with my friends and family.  Teach the next generation how to love by showing them, not by screaming it at them. 

That is how we win.  We ignore their ignorance.  We refuse to play into their need for attention.  Instead we choose to love them.  We choose to love our neighbors, our community, our friends and our famliy.  And we love our children and show them the true power of that love.  There will always be another group of ignorance trying to make the loudest noise.  We need to stop wasting our time trying to be louder and start living the kind of lives that will truly change the world.

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How To Break Through Your Emotional Wall

Remember when you were a kid and something made you sad and you had no problem telling the world about it?  It was now your duty to make sure the whole world knew just how sad you were.  You would throw a tantrum, looking out of the corner of your eye to make sure everyone was watching.  And if one person was not paying attention, then you would cry just a little bit louder.  Nothing else in the world mattered except making sure people knew that you were sad.  When did that change?  It's amazing how emotionally healthy we really are when we are kids.  When something hurts, you tell someone.  When you are sad, you feel the pain and cry until you feel better.  Only later in life do we learn to stifle our emotions.  In attempts to appear strong, confident or brave, we work really hard to make sure people think we never hurt.  The real effect of this is that we don't acknowledge the emotion to ourselves either.  If we allow ourselves to feel the emotion, we won't be able to contain ourselves and then the world will know we are weak.

What happened to our emotional health?

So many adults live in a quiet desperation.  Happy on the outside and miserable on the inside.  And then we see how happy everyone else is and think there is something wrong with us which makes us more miserable.  What do we do with all this misery?  We shove it down our throats into the depths of our soul and hope it never comes out to play again.  We bury it in a pile of sugar and cheese, we wash it down with beer and vodka, we try to suffocate it with cigarette and weed smoke, and if none of that does the trick, there is a whole pharmacy available to us with legal and illegal options to finish it all off.  We are so desperate to not have to face our inner emotions that we spend thousands of dollars trying to avoid it, even though it is just going to be there again tomorrow.  It is an insane cycle that many of us find ourselves stuck in.

How do we break through the emotional wall?

The problem is we all live in fear.  We are scared that if we face our emotions head on and break through that wall, all we will find on the other side is a life of sadness and misery.  A life where we can't function normally.  A life that is worse than the one we are living now.  We feel like if we tap into our sadness, we will never be able to turn it off again.  But this could not be further from the truth.

The answer is to be brave, stand up, take a deep breath and face those emotions head on.  Let yourself feel every bit of sadness.  Break down the wall and let yourself cry for as long as it takes.  Feel it.  Own it.  Let it in.  And eventually an amazing thing happens - you realize that this is the worst it can get.  The crying, the sadness; it doesn't get any worse.  And if it doesn't get any worse, then it can only get better.  And I promise you this...

IT WILL GET BETTER!

But only if you are willing to face these emotions once and for all.  To let go of the fear and go all in.  And remember, you are not alone.  Your friends, your family, and I am here to help you through the hard part.  We are so ready to grab a sledge hammer and help you break down that wall.  All you have to do is ask.  And I promise, if you do that, if you stand up, take a deep breath and start breaking down that wall, what awaits you on the other side is a life of total freedom.

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