Blog
The boys at The Cerebral Entertainment Podcast are doing big things. It’s a great show full of interesting guests and Chris Swan had the honor to be on their show for the second time recently! The conversation is mainly about addiction, how to be a light in the dark on social media, how to stay positive in a crazy world, and what’s coming next from Soul Motivation Records!
Hit the button to take a listen!
I had the honor of hanging out with my buddy and one of the biggest music fans I know, Shane Presley, recently. He has a great podcast called Rock Paper Podcast. I was on his show way back when I started Soul Motivation Records in June of 2017 and recently was on to give some updates and chat about dope Christmas movies!
Hit the button to take a listen!
Chris Swan’s sophomore release from Soul Motivation Records is coming November 6th, 2018!
Welcome To The Fellowship contains 10 songs that chronicle Swan’s story of struggle, recovery and ultimately hope!
“My mission with this record is to help others overcome their obstacles and to find the hope that is waiting for them,” says Swan.
Hit play to hear what inspired my song Perfect and what I hope you get out of it. And be sure to share this video with those who you think need to hear it!
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"I always thought that I was supposed to try to be perfect."
I am a perfectionist. Always have been since I was a little kid. Almost to the point of being obsessive about some things. I am very grateful that God made me this way because it drives me to work hard and to strive to be better. But it has also brought its challenges.
My goal has always been perfection. I don’t think I really realized that in my conscious mind for a long time, but in my subconscious mind that has always been what I was trying to achieve. And the reason is this:
If I’m perfect, then no one can hurt me.
If I have no flaws and I am superior at everything I do, then no one can say anything negative about me. Even better, if they do, I’ll know they are crazy because I’m perfect. I have no flaws. My pursuit of perfectionism was my defense mechanism. I know this is true because even to this day if someone says something bad about me or I feel inferior somehow, I get a drive in the pit of my stomach to go be the best at something. That’s when I want to practice the most, or write songs or study something. Because I want to be able to prove to them that I am amazing. So I go to work mumbling under my breath “I’ll show them!”
The real result of this mindset has been constant failure and a very deep, dark depression. I could never live up to my expectations of myself, therefore, I was always failing. Instead of being the best at something, I was a loser at everything. I began to hate myself because of this. And it got worse and worse as I got older. Until one day I looked in the mirror and I was a 500+ pound alcoholic.
I was frustrated and sad constantly. I could never accept love from other people because I didn’t love myself. I was lonely. Never good at long term relationships. I was finding comfort in food and alcohol. Like A LOT of food and alcohol! And I was barely hanging on to life. On the outside I seemed cool, laid back and fun. But on the inside I was steaming mad at myself, stressed out and angry.
Is this what being perfect is all about?
I finally had to accept the fact that I will never be perfect. Ever. It is hard for me to even type that sentence right now. But I finally know that it’s true. And I know it has been a big source of pain in my life. I have to let it go.
Now, I am striving to be perfectly imperfect. I laugh at myself a lot because I really love who I am. The pressure is off. I can be me and use all that energy I use to put towards trying to be perfect towards something that matters. Like making music that will change people’s lives. Telling my story to those who need to hear it. And being a part of a community again full of imperfect folks just like me.
I wrote a song all about my struggle with perfectionism called….ready for it…”Perfect.” If perfectionism is something you struggle with, I hope you’ll take a minute to check it out. I think you will be able to relate to a lot of it. And I think you may walk away knowing you are already perfect the way you are.
Perfect
Coming October 1st, 2018!
P.S. Funny side note. I made a few short promotional videos announcing this single to the world. On accident, I misspelled a word in two of them. After publishing them to my Facebook page, I noticed I had misspelled a word. I could have taken them down and fixed it. The old me wanted to. But I decided to leave them up. What a fitting tribute to a song called “Perfect.” :)
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Influence (feat. Jarmel Reece)
The new single from Chris Swan is here!
Have you ever stopped and thought about the people you hang out with? Are they people who believe in you and lift you up? Or are they people who believe life is meant to be miserable and are constantly tearing you down? The people we let influence us is a crucial part of living a happy life. Make sure you surround yourself with the right people. Get your free download of Influence right here!
This song also features a very talented hip-hop artist from St. Louis. His name is Jarmel Reece. If you don't know this guy yet, you are going to love him!
Click here or on the picture to get a FREE download of Influence!
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Hit play to hear what inspired the song Jarmel Reece and I wrote together called Influence and what we hope you get out of it! And be sure to share this video with those who you think need to hear it!
Lost? Not sure where to go next?
Dear Hip-hop,
I owe you an apology. I'm sorry I walked away from you all those years ago. I just couldn't handle how much you had changed. When we met, you use to inspire me with your clever lyrics and thought provoking prose. You use to make my day better with your infectious beats. I remember, spending entire days hanging out with you. Back in the day, I use to lose sleep because I was so excited for my Columbia House CD's to arrive. I knew with each package that was delivered to my house, you would deliver to me so much truth, hope, joy and excitement. I knew every time you showed up at my house, I was going to learn something new. I was going to experience something I've never experienced before. And I would be inspired and challenged to create my own songs that were even half as good as the ones you gave me.
But then you changed.
You became bitter and dark. You began to focus entirely on the negatives in the world. You began to lose your wit and wordplay that use to inspire me so much. Soon, all you wanted to talk about was girls, jewelry and money. It seemed like all you cared about was immediate gratification because you saw the world as messed up beyond compare. And don't get me wrong, I like all those things too, but come on man. There's more to you than that.
Look, I know you've been through a lot. I know you have had to watch a lot of injustice done to you, your friends and your family. I know you've been pissed at the world. And I totally understand why. I'm pretty pissed too, sometimes. But I know there is still hope inside you. I know the world is not a perfect place, but you always helped me see the better side of people. You always helped me see the good that still exists in the world. And I need you now. We all do. More than ever.
I'm not saying you can't go out and fight some battles. That's part of your responsibilities too. But please don't turn your back on all the good stuff. And please don't let people make you part of the problem. You are above all that. And it's time to show the world who you really are.
I'm really sorry I didn't understand all this better all those years ago. I was young and naive. Instead of trying to understand you better, I just gave up. I should have stuck with you and encouraged you all this time, but I thought you had given up so why shouldn't I?
I was wrong.
You've always been there, trying to figure this all out. I can't control you. You are free to be who you want to be. So I am going to let you be free. I promise I will always look for the good in you because I know it is always there. And I'll be here with you during the bad times too. Right by your side. Rooting you on.
Thank you for being such a huge part of my life. I'll never leave you again. And I really believe you were meant to change the world. I'm here to help in anyway I can.
Sincerely,
You're #1 fan.
The Mess Around (feat. Chela Mancuso)
The new single from Chris Swan is here!
The Mess Around is a song about living a sober life in an alcoholic world. I quit drinking 2.5 years ago, but some people still want me to be part of the party. This is a song for all former drinkers as a declaration to the pushers that we don't mess around anymore. We got things to do.
This song also features a very talented singer/songwriter from St. Louis. Her name is Chela Mancuso and she is awesome!
Click here or on the picture to get a FREE download of The Mess Around!
Lost? Not sure where to go next?
Hit play to hear what inspired the song Chela Mancuso and I wrote together called The Mess Around and what we hope you get out of it! And be sure to share this video with those who you think need to hear it!
Lost? Not sure where to go next?
"I don't even miss how it use to be."
I am an alcoholic. Through and through. I have never been able to go out and have one drink. If I'm going to drink, I'm going to do it right. I am going to get drunk. And not just a little buzzed. I mean really drunk. But after years of drinking so much, it became really hard to get drunk. I was drinking Long Island Teas with Grand Marnier shots all night long. I remember, I would show up for gigs, down two long island teas and two shots of Grand Marnier back to back before I even started playing! It was becoming harder and harder to get drunk. Drinking became a chore. It wasn't fun anymore. And here's the real catch - I didn't even like the taste alcohol! I just liked the effect. So finally I found myself just trying to gulp down as much as I could as fast as I could, holding back urges to throw up, just trying to get drunk. I knew something had to change.
"Not looking back on what I use to see."
It wasn't until I ended up in the ER with severe heart palpitations that I realized this was a life or death situation and all this madness was not worth dying for. I lied there on the gurny while they were running tests on me just thinking "What am I doing?" I remember, hearing someone in the room next to me crying out in pain. It was so heartbreaking and I knew that would be me soon if I didn't make a change. I decided then and there to quit drinking. That was over 2 years ago now and I haven't had a drink since!
"Stronger now than I was before."
The real miracle is that after I quit drinking, I continued to work in bars every night. I had to sit there and watch everyone else getting drunk and having a good time, while I drank water and watched in envy. It was really hard for the first 3 months or so. I would feel pretty bitter most of the time and just get out of there as soon as my gig was done. But as time passed, I grew stronger. I just couldn't stop thinking about how miserable I felt all the time when I was drinking. I was in a constant haze everyday, perpetually hung over. No energy. Little motivation. In the worse physical shape I've ever been in in my life. There was no way I was going to go back to that life, so I hung in there night after night. Day after day.
"You can't take this life from me, don't mess around anymore."
Now, I can't even imagine going back to that life of drinking. I feel so much better, yes, but I also feel a freedom I never felt when I was drinking. There is something really beautiful about letting go of an obsession or addiction. It lets you enjoy life again. It lets you feel emotions again. Drinking was stealing my joy away one shot at a time. I thought it was making me happy but it was really making my life miserable. I was caught in a cycle of obsession that I couldn't get out of. There is no way I could go back to that life now. Don't get me wrong, I get tempted occasionally just like everyone else. But all I have to do is go back to that night in the ER in mind, remember how miserable and scared I felt, and any temptation I was feeling disappears.
I am so grateful to be sober over 2 years now. Most of my friends and family have been really supportive of my choice to quit. But some people don't get it. Misery loves company and often I encounter people who want to buy me a drink and don't quite understand why I would say no. So I wrote a song along with Chela Mancuso (an incredibly talented singer and songwriter) about these experiences called The Mess Around. I'm excited for you to hear it! It's all about living a sober life in an alcoholic world. It's my declaration to those who don't get it.
I don't mess around anymore. I got things to do.
The Mess Around (feat. Chela Mancuso)
Coming August 1st, 2018!
Lost? Not sure where to go next?
Pain
The new single from Chris Swan is here!
I have been a big dude my whole life. And as I get older, it has started to cause more and more pain in my life. Physical and emotional. My song "Pain" is dedicated to all the people who have had this struggle in their life. We know we need to change, but we just can't seem to do it. We know we are killing ourselves, but that still doesn't seem to be enough. I am here to tell you that you can change. It's closer than you think.
Click here or on the picture to get a FREE download of Pain!
Lost? Not sure where to go next?
Hit play to hear what inspired my song Pain and what I hope you get out of it! And be sure to share this video with those who you think need to hear it!
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"How come we know what to do, but we still don't do it."
I have been a big dude my whole life. I think I joined Weight Watchers for the first time when I was 12. The last time, when I was 39. I have lost 100 pounds twice in my life, but could never keep the weight off. Like so many others, I would always resort to old habits because I didn't have any other way to cope with my emotions. Food was my reward, my companion, and my favorite thing in the world. And when I turned 40, it showed. I couldn't even weigh myself at home anymore. My home scale only went up to 450 pounds. I had crossed over into the 500's and I was miserable.
"Even though we want to be free, we still don't choose it."
My knees hurt. Really bad. I could barely get out of chairs or cars. It became almost impossible to put on my socks and my shoes. I was pre-diabetic. I would wheeze constantly and had developed adult onset asthma and had to use an inhaler daily. I could barely walk more than 10 feet without being completely out of breath. I had constant chest pains and frequent heart palpitations. I had plantar fasciitis. Sitting down hurt my knees. Standing up hurt my feet. I had poor circulation and numbness in my feet too. I couldn't get an Uber because I was never sure if I would fit in the car. I couldn't fly anywhere because I couldn't fit in the airplane seats. I would break furniture all the time. I was miserable, tortured and in constant pain.
"Whatever it takes, I will not refrain."
It was time to make a choice. I had to get help and learn how to take care of myself again or I had to choose to die. As miserable as I was, I didn't want to die. I had a lot to live for and a lot I still wanted to accomplish. It seemed so impossible to change but I started by talking about it to friends and family. That led to finding some people who could help me. I went to an amazing retreat and joined Overeaters Anonymous. Once I learned more about my problem and all the other people out there who struggle the same way I do, I started to see hope. I went all in and decided I would do whatever it took to save my life. I started going to OA meetings, calling other OA members daily, I started reading and writing daily. I also started meditating and praying everyday. I can't really explain it, but an actual miracle happened to me. All my emotional baggage was removed. I finally felt loved, accepted and worthy. I was finally able to stick to a meal plan, to care for myself and to realize I truly deserve to be happy.
My song "Pain" is dedicated to all the people who have had this struggle in their life. We know we need to change, but we just can't seem to do it. We know we are killing ourselves, but that still doesn't seem to be enough. I am here to tell you that you can change. It's closer than you think. Do not give up on yourself. Start talking about it. Out loud to other people. That is the first step to getting better. You have to stop making excuses and admit it's a problem. It gets so much better when you do, I promise. If you need someone to talk to, I am always here. And if you are ready to change, I highly encourage you to visit: https://oa.org/. It changed my life. And it can change yours too.
"I will not be confined to this life of Pain."
Pain - The new single from Chris Swan.
Coming July 1, 2018!
Lost? Not sure where to go next?
Creed and Vision
The new single from Chris Swan is here!
I have struggled with being confident and I use to overcompensate by tearing myself down. My song "Creed and Vision" is a hip-hop mantra that we can all say to ourselves daily to remind us we need to be confident AND humble every day. And despite what I use to think, it is possible and even necessary to be both to become the people we were created to be.
Click here or on the picture to get a FREE download of Creed and Vision!
Lost? Not sure where to go next?
Hit play to hear what inspired my song Creed and Vision and what I hope you get out of it! And be sure to share this video with those who you think need to hear it!
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"I want the confidence to be strong."
I have always struggled with confidence. It probably has a lot to do with growing up as an overweight kid. I always felt fat. I always felt like I wasn't good enough. I remember even praying to God over and over to come into my life and let me into heaven. I thought I wasn't good enough and the only way to get in was to beg. I've done a lot of counseling, reading and reflecting over the years and I'm finally getting to a place in my 40's where I like myself. I have learned that I am enough, just as I am, because I am a creation of God. That is where my worth comes from. Not from other people, which is where I use to try to get it from being the people pleaser that I am. I see God in my life every day, in little things, and that reminds me that I matter. And since I matter, then I have the tools to be more confident and assertive in my life. I'm still a people pleaser, but I am working on it. I am learning to stand up for myself when I need to.
"But the humility to be wrong."
My biggest fear of becoming confident was that I would become a jerk. I saw confidence as a means to be cocky, to operate like the world revolves around you, and to walk all over the people in your life. No way did I want to be that guy! So to compensate, I would make sure I remained as humble as possible. But then being humble started to mean putting myself down. So in my efforts to not become a self-centered, arrogant person, I became a depressed, beaten down, and incredibly frustrated person. I was miserable.
"I want to lead and listen, have the creed and vision."
I had to learn that it is ok to be confident. Matter of fact, you can be confident and still be humble. Confidence does not have to equal arrogance. You can be confident in yourself, love and respect yourself deeply, and still be a humble servant to others. I'd even say you HAVE to learn to love yourself first in order to be a humble servant to others. I know from experience that tearing yourself down to lift others up only makes you a resentful, bitter person. And a resentful, bitter person is not one who wants to serve. This person becomes antisocial and selfish, becoming the complete opposite of the person you set out to be.
My song "Creed and Vision" is a hip-hop mantra that we can all say to ourselves daily to remind us we need to be confident AND humble every day. And despite what I use to think, it is possible and even necessary to be both to become the people God created us to be.
"It's ok to know our strength.
It's ok to know our weakness.
We use our weakness to make each other stronger.
'Cuz if one shines, we all shine longer."
Creed and Vision - The new single from Chris Swan.
Coming June 1, 2018!
Lost? Not sure where to go next?
This one's for the dreamers.
This song has been one of my go-to jams for a while now. I feel like it's time I make sure you are hip to this tune. This song makes me smile. This song is all about dreaming. It's all about making sure you wake up on the right side of the bed no matter which side you actually wake up on. You can choose every day to live for your dreams. This is your time. This is your spot. And if you want to live in the clouds, do it. It's a whole other world up there.
Way up in the clouds like I'm on one.
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H.O.P.E.
The new single from Chris Swan is here!
Life is stressful. People are tense. The political climate in our country is volatile. And I don't think I have ever seen so much division in our country as I do now. And if you aren't careful, you can be easily swept up in this ball of stress and start to believe the world is doomed. But I am here to tell you that hope is alive and well.
Click here or on the picture to get a FREE download of H.O.P.E.!
Lost? Not sure where to go next?
Hit play to hear what inspired my song H.O.P.E. and what I hope you get out of it! And be sure to share this video with those who you think need to hear it!
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